September 2025

I was laying in bed a few nights ago and started to cry. Everything has been coming to the surface to be acknowledged, processed and released. Every day, all day and all night has become an adventure, but not a "pick your own" adventure. Everyday for the last month has been the most intense day of my life. I am not in control of this upgrade I find myself in. There is no rhyme or reason or signal or hint at what comes up-it hits instantly and completely. I became increasingly aware of this thick black clock that hangs over my body. It has been there for weeks. I can almost see it. I have chipped away at a few pieces from nights like the one I mentioned above, but haven't even scratched the surface. I don't even know what has to be cleared at this point that is how thick and tight and hidden this energy has become. Matter of fact, I'm not sure it's just from this lifetime or past lives or being piled on by outside influences. I believe it's all of the above. All I know is that I have been waiting for this moment since I started this journey in 2016. I know this is my last opportunity to be what it is I came here to be in this lifetime. I have felt this approaching for months. I know my role is critical to the Federation of Light. I knew I could do it. I have seen my higher self. I know how powerful I am and yet everyday for the last 10 years I have I been stagnant. I have done nothing to align with my calling. NOTHING. Actually, I did quite the opposite.

I refuse to let this last call pass me by. It is not pretty. It has not been pretty. The August/September 2025 Lion's Gate and following eclipses, particularly the blood moon eclipse exposed the broken and splintered person I have become. Habits formed for over a decade lay raw and for the first time in a very long time I have been acutely aware of myself. I have no idea who I am. I feel stillness-complete calmness inside my body because all of my attention is on the ache, the actually pain in my heart and I hate myself. It hasn't been pretty, I told you. Every now and then something comes to the surface and I process that and let that go. There is an actual battle going on-worlds within worlds inside my body and at the same time my "real" life requires my presence. But I know this process is necessary and temporary. I know that the depths to which you suffer equates to the heights in which you soar. I know growth requires the truth. I know I have no one to talk to like me and I know I needed to publish this website now because it's my time and my call to action to be who I truly am. It's a lonely walk alone but the highest gift to be offered. Don't quit.